Well, there it is…fuck

Fuck! Well that felt better!Writing as self-care? I’ll check this out. I’ve painted as a form of self-care and it honestly worked (at least as a distraction). The funny thing is that I already type ALL DAY at work (seems like it at least). It’s fucking hilarious that I decided to write about this as my first post but FUCK! That GIRL! Yeah one of my good friends got a guys number to day at the gym. She called me excited and to give me rundown about the experience. “That’s awesome… I can tell you’re excited…This is good,” were a few of things I told her over the phone. What I really wanted to say was, “I like you… we have chemistry…pick me.” Why didn’t I say this? Friend-zoned I suppose.  Most importantly, it will fuck shit up between us and our little circle. I’m scared/worried about expressing my feelings but excited/eager to let them out. The possibility of us actually being together are non-existent. Why? If she was interested or at least curious, she wouldn’t have any interest or have excitement about others. Right? Then again she doesn’t know shit but would it matter if she did. It would just straight out hurt even more than today knowing that she knows about me but not giving it a second thought about it. I’ll remain here as the supportive friend hoping of a miracle and the stars to align. All I can do is to wonder ”What_If?”


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